I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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