I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
