can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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