Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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