No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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