It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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