Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
