You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
