I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
