I just cut my nipple shaving
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize