yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
