Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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