I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
