My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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