My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
