oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
