i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
