I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Rumble strips road head = magical
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice