Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?