Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?

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(330): I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going? http://tfl.nu/4uq9

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(314): View more from Missouri

I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.

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(314): I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line. http://tfl.nu/63gr

Replies (10) Good night (598) Bad night (3433)
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(301): View more from Maryland

chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.

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(301): chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING. http://tfl.nu/oa1d

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.

(407): View more from Florida

Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.

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(321): Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk. (407): Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked. http://tfl.nu/656t

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(915): View more from Texas

Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

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(915): Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches" http://tfl.nu/07la

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(678): View more from Georgia

Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

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(678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd

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(406): View more from Montana

I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.

(1-406): View more from Montana

Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.

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(406): I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight. (1-406): Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it. http://tfl.nu/p8t9

Replies (10) Good night (3315) Bad night (789)
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(513): View more from Ohio

you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one

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(513): you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one http://tfl.nu/cjl0

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night

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(617): Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night http://tfl.nu/g4dq

Replies (9) Good night (1275) Bad night (2363) Order T-Shirt
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(816): View more from Missouri

Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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(816): Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing. http://tfl.nu/pnzr

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(760): View more from California

And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist

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(760): And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist http://tfl.nu/o8qq

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.

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(609): Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good. http://tfl.nu/lsij

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(678): View more from Georgia

He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.

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(678): He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker. http://tfl.nu/0g20

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(519): View more from Ontario

He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good

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(519): He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good http://tfl.nu/g2kf

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(512): View more from Texas

Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you

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(512): Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you http://tfl.nu/d8vu

Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt

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