No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
