South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
