Banned from zoo.
Again?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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