I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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