i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
