My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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