she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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