My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
