wanna go halves on a baby?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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