told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
