Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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