he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
