can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
