Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need a beard to bite.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
