Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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