i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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