____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize