I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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