I didn't shave. On purpose
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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