When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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