By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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