I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
