very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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