I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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