Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was born a porn star she said
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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