1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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