hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
