just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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