Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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