is your mom at the bar?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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