Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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