Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
