He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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