I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
