And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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