It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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