btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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