3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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