I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
