Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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